![]() ![]() For all its scenic copter shots and jungle peril, this exotic meal tastes just like chicken. The real problem isn’t that Anacondas is bad – it’s just so bland, so unremarkable, so by-the-numbers, and so instantly forgettable that bad might be a step up. Meanwhile, television veteran Byrd does some kind of hysterical schtick that drew unintended titters from my audience. The film’s only chemistry is in the snakes’ mating ball. Cast del film Anaconda: alla ricerca dellorchidea maledetta (2004) N/D 2. (After Wilson’s early demise in the previous film, one wonders if anacondas prefer Texan meat?) There’s all sorts of ostensible sexual tension bouncing around on the ship, but it’s all a big yawn. Crew sweater, and San Antonio native Nicholas Gonzalez checks out early as the film’s first to die. ![]() Gravelly-voiced Johnny Messner is appealing enough as the ship’s gone-native captain, even though he seems to be wearing some kind of fine-gauge ribknit J. ![]() The actors – who are all uncommonly attractive for medical researchers – paddle furiously against the movie’s riptide, but it sucks them in anyway. There are four screenwriters on board this vessel, so expect all kinds of bedlam (poisonous spiders! headhunters!). When a gung-ho group of scientists embarks on a treacherous journey into the jungle to find the orchid-in the hopes that a fountain-of-youth. Get the people on the boat, imperil the requisite cute little Capuchin monkey named Kong (he’s far more sympathetic and expressive than his human counterparts), and send them all to their doom. Meanwhile, our intrepid hero is the breathy, monotone Johnny Messner, who sounds like hes constantly auditioning for movie trailer voiceover work, and hayseed. Set deep in a primitive Borneo jungle, where an extremely rare red orchid-the 'blood orchid'-may hold the key to producing a youth-preserving serum. Alas, no such guilty pleasures are found on this Hunt, which follows a team of research scientists into Borneo’s rainy season in search of an orchid rumored to extend cellular life – and potentially promise immortality (as well as a big stock-option windfall). Lo’s seductive wet shorts, a scowling Ice Cube, a shrieking Owen Wilson, and spectacularly risible creature effects made for an unintentional howler of epic proportions. Is it possible for a movie to compare unfavorably to 1997’s rain forest stink bomb Anaconda? This unasked-for sequel plays it straight, whereas its predecessor left no scenery unchewed: Jon Voight’s histrionic hunter, J. ![]()
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